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Humor Quotes to Hit Your Funny Notes

Murphy's Law
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Is your daily grind starting to get to you? Let this bunch of humor quotes send some chuckles your way.

In the midst of your monotonous routine or serious tasks, don't you just long for moments of lightheartedness? Something that'll make you smile?

Some advised that we shouldn't go a day without smiling, so here's some humorous quotes to break up your stuffy day.

Relax, kick back and let the humorous side of you unleash its funny self!




A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that individuality is the key to success.
-- Robert Orben

A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
-- Fred Allen

Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.
-- Carol Burnett

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
-- P.J. O'Rourke

At bank, post office or supermarket, there is one universal law which you ignore at your own peril: the shortest line moves the slowest.
-- Bill Vaughan

Behind every successful man stands a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law.
-- Brooks Hays

Better to be silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
-- Abraham Lincoln

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
-- Author Unknown

Definition of statistics: the science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.
-- Evan Esar

Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather just lie around. No contest.
-- Eric Clapton

Gossip columnists are diseases, like 'flu. Everyone is subject to them.
-- James Goldsmith

Gossip is just news running ahead of itself in a red satin dress.
-- Liz Smith

I always read the last page of a book first so that if I die before I finish, I will know how it turned out.
-- Nora Ephron

I can resist everything except temptation.
-- Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan

I don't make mistakes. I make prophecies which are immediately proved wrong.
-- Murray Walker

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
-- Robert Benchley

I love National Geographic. Just when you think you've seen the last lost native tribe, National Geographic will find a new one.
-- Sandra Bernhard

If something's old and you're trying to sell it, it's obsolete. But if you're trying to buy it, it's a collector's item.
-- Author Unknown

If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research.
-- Wilson Mizner

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
-- Woody Allen, Getting Even

I'm single by choice. Not my choice.
-- Orny Adams

Living at risk is jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down.
-- Ray Bradbury

Lots of people can't count to ten. They are usually the ones in front of you in the supermarket express lane.
-- Sam Ewing

Men can read maps better than women - because only the male mind could conceive of one inch equalling a hundred miles.
-- Roseanne Barr

Men do not like to admit even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code - he turned himself in.
-- Rita Rudner

Mother Nature is wonderful. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.
-- Author Unknown

My mother was a very elegant woman. When a flying saucer landed on the lawn, she turned it over to see if it was Wedgwood.
-- Joan Rivers

No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.
-- Scott Adams

Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time.
-- Scotts Adams, The Dilbert Principle

Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid.
-- Author Unknown

Operator! Give me the number for 911!
-- Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
-- Don Marquis

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.
-- Bob Monkhouse

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers.
-- Daniel J. Boorstin

Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home.
-- David Frost

The 50-50-90 rule: anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 per cent probability you'll get it wrong.
-- Andy Rooney

The road to success is always under construction.
-- Arnold Palmer

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
-- Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

The trouble with talking too fast is you may say something you haven't thought of yet.
-- Ann Landers

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
-- Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
-- Helen Rowland

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.
-- Roseanne Barr

You have to open your mind to every new experience. This week I've been practising sneezing with my eyes open.
-- Billy Connolly

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