I Wanted To Die, God Said No! - Visitor's Story

by Felisa Walton
(Jacksonville, Florida, USA)

With each major disappointment it took another bite out of my insides, the insides that were withering away, disappointments I knew we all have them but the ones I had caused me to turn those outside distractions inward. Tormenting myself on a regular basis. Nothing that I could have done warranted the blame, and guilt I placed on myself.

I was continually playing and replaying the situations over and over in my mind as if it had just happened. I never allowed any other positive information to gain entry and if by chance any other information tried to gain entry it would be abruptly dismissed.

My whole thought process only could see, and feel things that were negative. Which in turn caused me pain, isoaltion and depression.

Did I want to die? No, but sometimes things happen in our lives that prevent us from moving forward causing a quick sand effect, slowing sucking the life out of you.

I followed through with those horrible thoughts and I swallowed a handful of aspirin thinking I could take the pain away, not thinking that I could really die.

I had been out of work for over a year now, my family and friends were almost non existing. I felt I had no worth to any one let alone me.

After waking up in a hospital alive, I realized one important thing. God's love for me out weighed all the tons of mess I thought was drowning me.

God said NO! That I will live and not die. God told me that I am his child also that he will not put more on me than I can bear.

To spite with I thought was best for me, God knows what is best for me.

At that point, I believe now that it's just what goes along with living and life and it includes distractions, disappointment, heartache and pain.

When they do occur, Call on Jesus; he will bring you through. He did it for me, he can do it for you.

God not only willed me back to life but gave a new job to start over. He truly said NO! to death and Yes! to life.