The Answer She Thought Was Funny - Inspiring Story

by Jennifer Rochelle White
(Murrieta, California, USA)

The Happy Family (From left to right: Mom, Jake, Me, Doyle, James, and our dog Sport at the bottom)

I recently discovered I have depression. I was writing suicidal poetry, I lost interest in things I once found happiness in, and I just wanted to get out of dealing with my problems. My friend had discovered this and told an adult. It felt like my world just blew up, and all the walls I had built to protect me, my mom, and my family, were crumbling down.

I have been going to therapy once a week now. My therapist, at my last visit, had me do a "Self-Assessment". It had questions like:

"I like to think of myself as.."
"I think bad people.."
"I feel good about myself when.."
and the ever so popular question:
"If I could change something in my past, I would change.."

Well, I had to seriously think of the questions. It was hard to answer them, because I wasn't prepared for this test. I knew I'd have to do something like this, but my mind just blanked out. So I answered the questions as best I could, hoping none of the answers would reveal anything else wrong with me besides depression.

I handed the assessment in, and my therapist went over each question & answer with me. She stopped when she got to one, reading it slowly, and then she burst out laughing.

I, of course, felt offended that she would be laughing at me in the state I was in. As soon as she explained things, I found myself laughing as well.

My Past:
My step dad, my father figure, the perfect father my biological dad couldn't be, had a widow maker heart attack. This heart attack usually attacks men, and it's called the widow maker because nobody usually survives. It was a miracle in itself that Doyle did. The doctors came in and told us he wouldn't make it through the night, he did. They then told us he would never be able to speak again, he does. Then they told us that he would never be able to walk again, and he is still walking.

I had found out lately I was grieving because of this. Doyle was still not the man I was used to, the man I wished he was. But we are closer than ever.

A year after his heart attack, I had problems with my own heart. I had an ASD hole. I got winded when I ran for a period of time, and I was always getting Migraines. Kids thought I was weird, and teachers thought I was faking. Then we found out about my heart murmur, and then discovered it was a hole in my heart.

I had surgery since and I'm more energetic now than ever. I find happiness in just surviving that. The doctors said I would've died running in P.E. like those kids that mysteriously just keeled over and died, with no explanation for their early passage in life. Or, I would've died giving birth (which I still am a little nervous about).

My family, after all these, naturally had financial problems, causing us to move two times, each time into a smaller house.

Just recently, about a month after we found out about my depression, Doyle got into a car accident. He had just gotten his tires rotated and oil changed and was heading off on the freeway to visit a friend, when his front tire came off which then bounced into on-coming traffic.

Four witnesses stopped to file a police report. The couple from two cars behind Doyle, stopped and went to rescue him. Doyle was knocked unconscious, with his foot still on the gas. The husband knocked in the window, saw what happened and took Doyle's foot off the gas, and put the car in park. Believe it or not, their last name, is Angel!

It's just like Doyle, being an ex-racecar driver, always driving faster than his Angels.

Of course our finances still make it hard living, but we are surviving. We only have one car, instead of three (my brother crashed his too) like we're used to. So now it's difficult traveling to places.

Anyway, the answer that my therapist was laughing at was to this question, "If I could change something in my past, I would change..."

She said it was good I knew what I was dealing with, and that I knew if I changed something, it would change my future. Writing this story now, it made me see that it's not as bad as I think it was.

Telling people of my struggles might let others know that they're not alone. My therapist's husband had a heart attack too, and she is so much like my mother caring for her husband too.

My therapist told me, "Everyone will be faced with problems in their lifetimes. Nobody is exempted from stress or worry. Everybody needs to live their lives, and when problems arise, it's not about how bad the problems are, it's how you deal with those problems."

So now I am on the road to recovery and healing from my depression, and to do that, I know I need to let go of things in my past.

And if you are still wondering what my answer was to the question, here it is:

"If I could change something in my past, I would change.... Nothing, because it might make my future worse."

I am only 14, and I guess I've gone through a lot.

I know I will have many problems throughout my life... but I KNOW I'll get through them, and everything will turn out OK. As long as people are people, there is still a thread of hope.

I am thankful for everything in my life, and everything that has happened in my past.

Thanks for reading my story.