Unfaithful Someone - Visitor's Poem

by Amber Wilson
(Harrisburg, PA, USA)

This poem might not be inspiring but I just wanted to share it....the tales of misfortune and hidden secrets of a teenager......all of it is true, it may not happen now but it did happen....the good thing is now I am happy....

You said I could tell you anything
anything I please
when I told you the truth
you were going to be one of those devotees

but my life became too much
too much for you to handle
how could I blame you
my life was a scandal

you said you would hold my hand
by you weren't sure for just how long
my deepest fear was that you would let go
and that I would be left to do wrong

I didn't want to be cast out
my dreams were crushed I was all alone
my friends were real close but they didn't know
what I felt on my own

my own family no matter how dear
did not make up
for the amount of fear

that I faced through my short lived life
each look from a stranger
sends chills through my spine
I take one look and you know you're mine

I'm scary, I'm fierce
I'm dreaded, I'm tough
no one wants to deal with that stuff

but the truth is that is all a show that
the true me: the myself
will not let go

you tell me to stop: stop hurting myself
the truth about that is I don't know how
to stop the pain
it's something I don't allow

home is a jail
school is a safe
trapped and secure
all in one place

I want to be free
I don't want this pain
the cutting allows
this free gain

my emotional pain temporarily covered
my tears burst forth
through the barriers I had built
to save myself from starting to wilt

I am so vulnerable so true
don't hurt me or you'll force me to hurt you
I put up a wall that is carefully constructed
carefully built with dreams born anew

I hoped I'd be stronger with that wall
I didn't know I'd just wait for it to fall
I thought I'd be outgoing I thought I'd be true
I didn't know I'd be waiting for you

to climb that wall and hold my hand
gentle and free
the only one who helped me see
but you are gone

you left me to hide my truth again
waiting for someone new
one more unfaithful someone
to tell my truth to...

Coming from someone who suffered from depression and severe suicidal thoughts. If you are thinking about suicide or someone you know is thinking about suicide, tell someone... Depression hurts; it's as if you are all alone or stuck somewhere. No one can hear or see you... You call for help silently... That's what I did. I told one person and they yelled at me... After that I told no one else even though I should have..... I am fourteen, trust me no one should have to suffer like that.