My Crush - Visitor's Story

by Normita Pangan
(Manila, Philippines)

My favorite topic is love, and my favorite subject is romance-- I am just a sucker for things that truly touches the heart of any person deep within.

I can go on and type so many thoughts and ideas about the how's, the what's, and a lot more about love but I'll never get tired of just attempting to comprehend it and all its intricate meanings.

I do not exactly know how to tackle it in real life, but honestly, I sometimes feel like exploding when it breezes thru my mind. I get too overwhelmed about being in love that I usually get drown and die at the moment and at the second it halts in my door. Frankly, I don't remember anything that is substantially enough to quell this bursting something inside of me I call "inner force" -- it's that non-elemental form I keep within that perhaps have paralyzed the growth of any potential romance.

There is a natural tendency for me to re-create things and paint it in rainbow colors to satisfy my thirst for drama and fantasy. I have enjoyed threading too many surreal roads that I get too absorbed living in the future ignoring the realistic present. Idealism caused me to blur the possibility of the so-called unfavored scenarios and taught me to positively prognosticate endlessly.

I am crippled by the bubble I have created to fit the woven dream I have of what is and what's not love. I mostly believe that I am just too unequipped to fully grasp its depth. Hence, I would prefer to use the word "crush" at present, and this is in connection with someone I have tremendous regard for. I will safely call him my "crush".

He's someone who would not make heads turn under normal circumstances, but would definitely hold your gaze compellingly. His enigmatic, deep-set eyes have unexpectedly awakened the sleeping woman in me. I have had some chance of social interplay with him which I consider as "rendezvous" but nonetheless, unremarkable and far too "un-romantic" so to speak.

But these eventually have led to this continuous growth of "force, otherwise not specified" towards him which may probably be categorized by others as infatuation. Actually, I may just be thrilled with higher interpretation of these kind of things, and perhaps it may all just be due to the hype of joyful holidays that have infected me.

But I guess, whatever season that would come around, I would continue to maintain this stimulating feeling my crush seem to have unconsciously sparked in me. He probably doesn't have the faintest thought of this unforeseen adoration, but it does not bother me a bit-- I am already grateful that he's been that fuel for my passion. He's not a "Brad Pitt" hottie, but there is this irresistible charm that has permanently thrown me off-guard. I have never seen him 1-foot close in eye-contact, but in spite of that, I have already been magnetically attracted to his masculine appeal.

It's amazing how he has managed to carry himself in grace in spite of my annoying girlish curiosity-- I could not help it, he's filled a face inside the cloud I have reserved for some "crush". My crush could be considered bitterly distant, but it does not really matter-- after all he may have special preferences of his own.

In as far as what tomorrow holds for me, I do not really care- come what may. My "crush" has been placed in a chair of ambiguity, thus, I would be glad to expect nothing more. Sometimes romance, love and all its recipes do not go well together in this cocktail. Unfortunate and sad consequences may destroy the whole picture of this nirvana --so things may sometimes be better left as it is, unpolluted, untouched.

As for 'possibilities', "magical effects' and the works, I am infinitely just hoping and patiently waiting--my arms are wide open, and my heart is very compliant.

And so as I live today, in every precious hour, in every minute, and so forth, I am certain that this creative spirit would always keep me in awe, and his shy smile would always play a happy song in my "juvenile" heart.